I recently turned 40 years old—a significant landmark in life. Ever since I was 14, meditation, wisdom, and personal growth have been the greatest focus of my life. In this pair of articles, Part 1 published previously and Part 2 here, I share 40 lessons I’ve learned in my journey.

These are not the ultimate summary of my work. They are simply the first lessons that came to mind when I thought of writing this article, considering what most of my readers would appreciate. I hope you will find some of them useful in your journey.

Mind & Heart Lessons

21. Get up 100 times

The fact that you failed 99 times doesn’t mean that you will fail the 100th. But you will only discover that if you get up one more time, with full enthusiasm.

Have unshakable belief in yourself and in your capacity to fulfill your aspirations. Persevere in the face of every challenge.

22. Every decision matters; every moment matters

Life is made of moments. Every journey is made of thousands of small steps.

Every decision matters—even though we may pretend that some don’t Ask yourself, “With this decision, am I training myself to succeed, or am I training myself to fail?”. This will help you shift your focus to what is most beneficial to your future self.

23. Embrace the pain

We have a deeply ingrained tendency to avoid pain—be it physical, mental, or emotional. This stems from the fundamental goal of life in all beings: self-preservation. However, our true growth lies when we are able to go deliberately through pain, for a higher purpose.

Embracing the pain develops courage, awareness, and willpower. It’s what allows us to free ourselves from negative emotions (as with the ROAR Method), be larger than our fears (as in Facing the Worst), and develop the ability to go overcome the challenges of life (as in Do What is Difficult).

It is impossible to thrive in life if you are unwilling to embrace pain.

24. Imagination is the most underrated tool

Imagination is the blueprint of reality, and it’s one of the most underrated tools of personal development. If you can’t imagine something, you can’t achieve it.

Clearly imagine the change you want to make in yourself—in your behavior, mindset, personality, or emotional state. Energize that imagination with your full attention, intention, and belief. Get to the point where it feels as solid as the reality coming in through your senses, and you will have found a secret shortcut to manifesting your dreams.

Tactical Lessons

25. Complexity is a trap

Any topic, any field, or any area of life can be summarized down to a few essential principles. It is easy to miss that and get lost and overwhelmed in a world of complexity.

Maintaining your health, for example, can be seen as an extremely complex topic, with dozens of variables, exercises, supplements, diets, and conflicting advice. But at its core, if you are consistent with a handful of simple disciplines, you are 90% there.

The same is true of finances, productivity, martial arts, online business, spirituality, and almost everything.

The beginner thinks everything is simple, but his view is simplistic, because there is a lot he ignores. The advanced student is aware of all complexities of the field, but lacks the deeper understanding of the essence. The master sees everything as extremely simple—yet that simplicity is rich in nuance.

26. Make time for self-reflection

Wisdom is one of the most valuable things in life—for it is what allows us to have the right perspective on things, make better decisions, and live a broader life. And wisdom is born from self-reflection.

If you are not making time to reflect, you are not learning. Your growth in life will be capped, and you’ll need to go through the same mistakes multiple times until the lessons sink in.

27. Remove toxic people

We are deeply influenced by the people in our life; therefore, we should be extremely thoughtful about which people we allow in. Toxic people, in all their forms, are not worth it. We must know how to identify them and remove them from our lives; or at least set effective boundaries.

28. Consume less

Consume less—of almost everything. Less food, less shopping, less information. This will simplify your life, making space for self-reflection and allowing you to gather more energy for your goals.

29. Openly admit your faults

If you are serious about personal development or spiritual growth, then treat anyone who accurately points out your flaws as a friend or at least a gift. Let the ego hurt a little; on the other side of that pain you will find a sense of freedom and authenticity.

Don’t be afraid to see your own faults, weaknesses, and shortcomings. Don’t be afraid that other people see them. If you truly internalize this attitude—something that took me years—you will find yourself completely grounded and at ease. People will trust you more; and, as counterintuitive as it may sound, they will criticize you less.

30. Delay your impulses

The first time I tried to fast for a day, I failed. It was 3pm, hunger was at its peak, and I thought “If I feel like this now, there is no way I will last the whole day! I guess I can’t fast, so this ends now…”

Years later, I tried fasting again, this time with a different understanding: that hunger comes and goes in waves. When I felt hungry, I no longer believed that hunger will continue increasing until it becomes unbearable; I knew that it would subside after some minutes. All I had to do was to delay the impulse to eat for a few more minutes.

With that knowledge, I was able to fast once a week every week, for 36 hours in a row, for the whole year of 2016.

Our impulses come and go in waves. We often give in when we are at the peak of the wave. Next time you find yourself at such a peak, just say “not now”, delay the impulse a few more minutes, and you’ll likely be okay.

31. You can’t see your blindspot

We all have blindspots. Truths that are right under our nose, but we don’t realize it. Opportunities that we don’t to see. Options we fail to consider.

We can’t see our blind spots; but other people can. They can be our mirrors, if we allow them to.

Pay attention to the cues from your environment—especially the ones that you consider too absurd to even entertain.

32. Do the opposite

If you keep on doing the same behavior and it’s not working for you, do the opposite.

“Do the opposite” is a powerful mental shortcut because it’s simple, clear, and tells you exactly what to do. It invites no dialog. It gives space for no rationalization, no excuses.

• If you have the tendency to overwork when you feel overwhelmed, do the opposite—take a break.
• If you have the tendency to procrastinate when you feel overwhelmed, do the opposite—take action.
• If you have the tendency to close in and get reactive when someone criticizes you, do the opposite—open up and don’t react.
• If you have the tendency to want to learn everything from every source, do the opposite—focus on one topic and one source.

“Do the opposite” will give you the clarity and strength to break through limiting beliefs, unhelpful thoughts, and self-defeating behavior patterns.

33. Speak less, but more thoughtfully

Our voice is our main instrument of communication. Our words have power; they can help manifest our vision, or they can put us in trouble.

Honor the power of your word. Speak less, so you can speak more consciously, more effectively, more powerfully.

34. Quit all junk dopamine

Junk dopamine is the high we get with instant gratification. It is extremely addictive and apparently harmless. Yet it has severe consequences to our mental health and our capacity to stay focused on long-term goals. It’s just not worth it.

Scrolling is not worth it. The same is true for many apparently harmless addictive behaviors out there.

35. Do not hurry

Being in a hurry can be a byproduct of being goal-oriented; or it can be a nervous way to navigate tasks when we feel overwhelmed. In any case, hurrying is rarely worth it. Not only does it have negative effects on our mental health, but it’s not an effective way to get things done.

Instead, go slower. Pause more. Do less. This will drive you to become better at prioritizing and planning, because now you can’t brute-force your way into things anymore. You have to be more strategic.

36. 100% is easier than 99%

If it’s hard for you to say no to alcohol, then deciding “I don’t drink alcohol” makes things much easier than trying to “drink in moderation”. The same is true for whatever impulse is difficult for you to resist.

When you make a non-negotiable decision, you have no more self-control conflicts. There is nothing to think about, nothing to consider, no decision fatigue. When there is even a 1% chance that you will say yes to an impulse, then every time it arises you will have to consider if now is the time or not.

This takes a lot of energy. It also leads you to say yes to the impulse much more often than you’d like. Save yourself from this trouble by making a Never Zero commitment.

37. Make specific commitments

Most good intentions that we have don’t materialize because we don’t translate them into specific commitments. Our will is dissipated, rather than laser focused.

The intentions to “diminish time in social media”, “exercise more” and “think before I speak” are too vague to create real behavior change.

Instead, try “use social media no more than 10 minutes a day”, “go to the gym at 7am every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday”, and “take a deep breath before responding”.

38. Plan your day around your aspirations

Do the most important things first—otherwise it’s likely that they won’t get done. You might be too tired for them or “have no time”. This is true in a short timeframe (your day), or in a large timeframe (your life).

The principle is simple: prioritize your aspirations. Start your day by taking action on them, as part of your morning routine. And don’t postpone them for a later season in life. You are only guaranteed the now.

39. Focus on the process, not the reward

If you exercise and eat healthily only because you want the end result, then doing so for extended periods of time will feel difficult. You’ll always be looking for ways out, for excuses, for reasons to “reward yourself” with things that actually detract from your goals.

The easiest way forward is to learn to love the process itself. Learn to enjoy the hard work—the sweat, the salad, the hours of study—and the hard work will become easy. Use cognitive reappraisal to do that. The rewards will then come in due time, and you will have enjoyed the journey also.

40. Get a mentor to accelerate your path

Whatever you are struggling with, there are people out there who have successfully overcome it. Whatever you want to learn or develop, there are people out there who are masters of that craft.

Some of them will be skillful in guiding others to get to the same place. Find them, and learn from them as much as you can.

Parting Thoughts

There you have it!

Some of these lessons came easily to me; others came only after years repeating the same mistake. Regardless of the type of lesson, they all take time to integrate, so that at the end we have not only an insight, but real change.

Which of these lessons was most helpful for you? Select two or three.

Take a moment to absorb them, and reflect on how you will take action on them to improve your life.