How do we control impulses and break bad habits? Is it all based on sheer willpower, or should we rely on changing our environment? The only permanent solution comes when we develop the higher aspect of our mind, which I call the higher mind.

We know what is bad for us, and yet sometimes we do it; we know what is good for us, and yet sometimes we don’t do it. Why? Often it’s because of a lack of self-control, which is one of the major themes of self-discipline. In this article you will learn how to control impulses using the Higher Mind System.

The higher mind is the aspect of your mind that is more aware and purposeful. It focuses on long-term goals, and it prioritizes your values and aspirations over pleasure. It is the part of you that is larger than your emotions and impulses. Philosophers over the ages have called it by different names, and in neuroscience we can relate it to the prefrontal cortex.

Any technique that improves self-control—be it from the world of psychology, personal development, or spirituality—involves the application of two key aspects of the higher mind: awareness and willpower. Using these two trainable skills, the higher mind can tame the lower mind, enabling you to live life more aligned with your values and aspirations.

Let us now explore impulse-control strategies across the seven domains, or seven disciplines, of the Higher Mind System.

Discipline #1: Aspire

The foundation of self-discipline and impulse control is to have a powerful vision for the person you want to be. I call this your aspiration. The clearer and stronger your aspiration, the more you can borrow strength from it when facing temptation.

That temptation could be an impulse to procrastinate, to get distracted, to lose your temper, to consume the wrong type of food, to shop impulsively, or to indulge in any type of bad habit.

When an impulse comes, you find yourself in what is known as a self-control conflict in psychology. Part of you wants to act on that impulse, because it feels good in the moment, while another part of you knows that that’s not good for you, and wishes to stop.

There is a conflict of parts. The higher mind wants to act in alignment with your long-term goals, but the lower mind wants to experience pleasure or relief right now. The higher mind is focused on getting fulfillment and avoiding regret; the lower mind is focused on feeling good and avoiding pain.

Which part will win? The strongest one. The one you feed the most.

Here is where having an awareness of your aspirations, and a strong commitment to them, makes the whole difference. It makes the long-term goals weigh much more than the short-term benefits, when making a decision whether to act on impulse or not.

Action step: Create a strong vision for the person you want to be—your aspirational identity. Commit to it fully. Know that it will require sacrifices, and be ready to make them.

Going deeper: To learn more about this concept, read chapters 6-10 of Mindful Self-Discipline and 5-6 of Wise Confidence. Then, consider using the Higher Mind app to track your aspiration and review it daily.

Discipline #2: Plan

Once you clarify the person you want to be—and thus the habits you want to have—the quickest wins you can go after are planning your environment and planning your time. This means you are actively trying to shape your life per your aspirations.

Planning your environment requires that you remove from your physical and digital environments any triggers for the behaviors you want to avoid. In other words, engineer your surroundings so that it is unlikely for bad impulses to show up.

This could mean getting rid of certain objects, deleting some apps, blocking certain websites, changing the setup of your room, hiding away the mess, or having no unhealthy snacks in the pantry. It could also mean not going to certain places and avoiding the company of people who trigger bad habits in you.

Planning your time is making sure that you keep yourself busy with positive projects and uplifting relationships. This helps you derive both meaning and pleasure from things that actually move you closer to your ideal self, filling the space that would otherwise be filled by the pursuit of instant gratification.

Action step: Create a list of changes that you need to make in your physical and digital environments, so that your environments become reflections of the person you want to become. Start the habit of planning your time every day, so that you leave less to chance.

Going deeper: To make it easier to plan your time, try using the Higher Mind app to regularly plan your days and your weeks, following the prompts provided in the Tools section.

Discipline #3: Act

Every time you take action according to your plan, you are taking one step forward toward your aspirations. You are living in authenticity with your values and confirming your will through your actions. You are a rare human being!

In terms of breaking bad habits, the action you need to take is a replacement action. This means that when the impulse comes up, instead of engaging in the bad habit, you do something else that fulfills the underlying urge.

For example, if you are experiencing stress, an impulse will arise pushing you to do something to end that painful state. That impulse will prompt you to engage in the activity that will bring relief with the least amount of effort—perhaps snacking, smoking, complaining, doom scrolling, or watching funny videos.

Instead, you can ride the impulse and replace that activity by another one that also brings relief, even though it requires more effort. That could be going for a walk, doing some stretches, listening to uplifting music, or doing a quick breathing exercise.

Action step: List all the triggers that may prompt you to engage in bad habits. Then list the alternative, healthier habits that you can engage in when triggered. Make a commitment to try them consistently, for the next three weeks.

Going deeper: Learn more by reading chapters 25-32 of Mindful Self-Discipline. Make your practice more solid by using the +1/-1 tracker in the Higher Mind app.

Discipline #4: Reflect

Self-reflection is a type of practice that most people skip, or fail to do consistently in an effective way. It is one of the best ways to develop self-awareness, and it is often the string that keeps all other practices together.

The simplest of all journaling templates is the GAIA Journal. It is what I recommend to all my students and coaching clients as a daily practice before sleep. You ask yourself these four questions:

• How did I take a step toward my aspirations today? (Gratitude)

• How did I take a step away from my aspirations today? (Awareness)

• How will I do better tomorrow? (Intention)

• Were my actions aligned with the person I want to be today? Rate yourself from 1 to 10. (Alignment)

Action step: Build the habit of doing the GAIA Journal every night. It takes only two to three minutes to go through it.

Going deeper: Review the self-reflection videos at the bottom of this page. And try the journaling tool in the Higher Mind app.

Discipline #5: Meditate

In my book Mindful Self-Discipline, I explain that meditation is the gym of self-discipline since it is a powerful training for your awareness and your willpower. The original purpose of meditation is to master the mind, so it should be no surprise that the more you grow in your meditation, the easier it becomes to resist impulses.

Any style of meditation will be helpful for developing the higher mind. Having said that, some meditation techniques are more effective for impulse control. Observation styles of meditation (such as Mindfulness and Vipassana), as well as Relaxation styles of meditation (such as Yoga Nidra) are particularly powerful.

Action step: Build a daily meditation practice, if you don’t have one yet. Consider including three one-minute mini-meditations throughout your day, to help reduce impulsivity.

Going deeper: Try the Yoga Nidra and ROAR Method guided meditations in the Higher Mind app, which will train you to process impulses in a more mindful way.

Discipline #6: Overcome

What do you do, in the moment, when you are facing a strong impulse? If you search the web for how to control my impulses, this is what you will find: a list of ideas, tips, and techniques to use when the impulse is already there. Yet, as you can see, this is just one of seven layers of overcoming impulses.

In my books I share several self-discipline techniques that can be helpful for dealing with impulses in the moment, such as the Not Now Technique, Witnessing, Negative Reappraisal, and ROAR. Any of them can work, provided that you approach them with attention and commitment.

Yet the core technique is PAW: Pause, Awareness, Willpower. It’s the one that enables all the others to work.

Suppose that a strong impulse toward distraction, or toward unhealthy food, shows up.

• You first pause by breathing consciously three times, slowly and deeply. This is to break the pattern of automatic behavior, slow things down, and allow space for your higher mind to have a say.

• Then you become aware of what is going on. Understand what triggered you. Become aware of your mental and emotional state. Remember your aspiration, in that moment, and notice how the impulse is pushing you to do something that would be a -1 in your life.

• Finally, apply your willpower as needed. You are making a deliberate effort to shift your state, aided by whatever technique you find helpful in that moment, so that instead you can act based on your values and get a +1 in your life.

Action step: Commit to practicing PAW three times a day, in moments when the lower mind is the loudest. Decide on the specific triggers that will remind you to use PAW, or set up external reminders for it.

Going deeper: Create a mental shortcut to use during PAW. Try the PAW Method tool in the Higher Mind app, and track your wins with the +1/-1 Tracker.

Discipline #7: Accelerate

To accelerate your journey of mastering impulses, you will need to cultivate two important qualities: self-confidence and determination.

Self-confidence, in this regard, means the unshakable belief in your capacity to master yourself, and to develop the self control needed to live life aligned with your goals. In this path you will certainly fail many times—and when that happens, you will need self-confidence to believe in your capacity and get up again.

Determination is about making a strong resolve and cultivating your willpower. It is the non-negotiable commitment to your goal, reaffirmed in the face of every challenge. Perseverance, resilience, and focus are its natural byproducts.

Action step: Aim to cultivate your willpower and self-belief in this journey. Commit to being the person you want to be, and affirm it repeatedly, regardless of what your impulses are asking you to do. When you fail, get up again with renewed enthusiasm, as if nothing has happened.

Going deeper: To learn more on these topics, refer to chapters 13, 30, and 31 of Mindful Self-Discipline and the whole of Wise Confidence. If you are a user of the Higher Mind app, then check out the Determination Meditation, POWER Visualization, and Anti-Aspiration Meditation.

How to Develop Self-Control—The Bottom Line

If you have been struggling with a particular impulse for a long time, it is unlikely that there is any magical technique out there which will make the whole difference for you. Instead, you need a holistic approach—one that tackles this challenge from all angles.

That is why in this article, instead of giving you a list of self-control techniques, I shared with you a system of self-transformation. Once you become proficient in this system, you will not only be on top of your impulses, but you will have the tools needed to make any change you want in yourself.

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